AW Alert.

Today is a very big day. Today I am wearing my PRE-PREGNANCY JEANS. I never in a million years thought I would be able to say that this early. I have bought one pair of jeans, but this morning I decided that before I go buy any more I should make sure that my old ones really don't fit. So I pulled out the bin from the basement and prepared myself for the worst.

But they fit! My favorite pair that I wore all the time are a little snug still, but I was able to get them on without a struggle. And my other two pairs fit great, I wore one all day today and wasn't even a smidge uncomfortable. Now of course, to complete this major AW moment, some pictures.

First, my last belly pic (which was actually taken at 40w4d).

OMFG I was huge.

Then, my BFP picture - 3w4d. (regular on the left, sucking it in on the right)

And finally, my 10w2d postpartum pictures.

Now granted, I still have quite a bit of loose skin there when I'm not sucking it in. But I'll get rid of that eventually. And until then I can easily cover it with my winter clothes. The point is, MY JEANS! Yay!

Oh em eff gee. (warning - TMI!)

I don't even know why I bother giving a TMI warning anymore. I think we can all agree that at this point about 99% of my posts have something that is TMI in them!

So, the bleeding. I obviously knew ahead of time there would be bleeding, and that I still have a ways to go before it's over. I also knew there could be clotting, but I figured that was just in the first couple days after, and that it would get less and less as time went on. I had a couple notable clots the first day after, but since then it's just been tiny little things here and there.

Imagine my reaction when I gave birth to a mouse last night.

I swear to you guys, this clot was the size of your average field mouse. [I know because we have a mouse problem in our basement. Another story for another day :-P] I actually measured it because I wanted to have the dimensions in hand when I called the doctor, because I figured there was no way this was normal! J even told me not to flush in case they wanted me to bring it in or take a picture or something.

Ahh, we are so naive. Turns out that is totally normal. Super awesome! I will say, my personal care is quite possibly the hardest part about this having a baby business. I am so very much looking forward to the day I stop bleeding. Especially since I am one of those lucky bitches that has 3 day periods with a very light flow, so this is just a totally different world for me, and one that I am looking forward to leaving!

So many titles could be appropriate.

I just can't decide! First I was thinking, 'Warning - the level of sexy in this entry may be too much to handle.' Then I thought of 'Adventures in husband led grooming.' And of course, 'THIS is how they should teach birth control to teens.' Or even, 'The one where 'over share' would be the understatement of the century.' All of those are missing one thing, though - a big ol' TMI warning!

Seriously, it's way off the TMI charts. More than I've ever shared before, that's for sure. I would seriously reconsider reading this entry.

So. Now that you have been warned, I shall begin. Last night, J helped me shave. My vagine. I had attempted (quite unsuccessfully) to trim a little while back, and after that he offered to help. We finally got around to it last night.

First we had to figure out how in the hell I was going to position myself that he could get at me. I ended up practically on my back in the tub, buck naked, legs up and spread. Let that visual soak in for a minute. No wait, scratch that. I don't really want you to lose your breakfast, so keep reading, and fast.

Then again, the coming words won't really get any better. You can just walk away now if you want. I'll understand.

So I'm in the tub, screwed like a turtle on it's shell. I can't move. He comes at me with the buzzers, and I FREAK. I didn't really think about the fact that I wouldn't be able to see once he got down there, so I didn't realize he was already that close. I jumped a mile (except not really) and let out a shriek, and we both started cracking up. Of course now I am laughing, on my back, at 8 1/2 months pregnant. PEE RISK, ANYONE?? So I attempt to sit up to be able to control my bladder a little better, all the while laughing and saying 'I'm going to pee my pants!'

What pants?!?!

Anyway. We get that situation under control by getting me a mirror to hold while he goes in, so I can see when he's about to touch me. Well now I am looking at my lady bits for the first time in weeks. So many weeks that I might as well have said months. At that point I think my face was looking something like this.

So he starts trying to trim at the shortest length. Only it isn't really working out too well. Let's just say, not enough was coming off. So we take off the length adjuster thing, and are left with just the blades. Now he's scared to go at me. So I have him hold the mirror and attempt to reach down there myself. I didn't want to get too close/short, so I am gingerly trying to just trim, but I really can't do it myself. I ask J to try. He decides to go in again, and goes right up against my skin.

I jump back (which really means I moved my head back - I couldn't possibly move my entire body that much at this point) and go 'Woah that's short! You might as well take a razor to me!' He looks at me with huge eyes and says 'ohmygosh I'm so sorry, I thought you were trying to go that short and couldn't reach!' I just started laughing again, because what else could I do? I'm sitting there holding a mirror to see my unrecognizable vag, which now has a weird bald patch positioned right above it.

J starts laughing too, and then looks at me and goes 'um, you're leaking.' We're both laughing pretty hard at this point and I think to myself 'oh good, I'm now leaking pee.' I attempt to look down there (with the help of the mirror, of course) and J says, 'no, your boob!' So then he starts laughing even harder because I had no idea my boob was leaking. And in this instance, that was seriously hilarious because I wasn't just leaking, I was running like a faucet out of my left nip. Colostrum was flowing steadily down my boob and onto my stomach, and I can't deny him that the fact that I couldn't feel it at all was pretty hilarious.

Now we are both starting to laugh so hard we're crying, and I say 'have you ever seen anything sexier? I mean really, does it get much better than this?' He says 'I think it can only go up from here, to be honest!' So I start laughing even harder. I knew this was heading into dangerous territory, because laying on my back, legs spread, I really didn't feel like I had much control over any functions down there.

As I am laughing and saying (again) 'I'm going to pee my pants!' I let out a fart. Just a little one, but enough to send the tears literally pouring out of my eyes and down my face. Luckily I am married to a very special man, because he just said 'oh my god, I was wrong!' and then reacted in the same exact way as me. I finally manage to hoist myself up to a sitting position and we sit there crying our eyes out because we are laughing so hard. Then J goes 'oh look, the other one is leaking now too!' Sure enough, righty felt left out and decided to join the party.

I really didn't think it could possibly have gotten any better at that point. But of course it did. Sitting up caused the leak on the left to run all the way down my belly and drip onto my leg. Which I finally felt! So I exclaimed as much, which sent J down onto the bathroom floor pretty much rolling around in laughter. At this point, I totally lost it. I officially laughed as hard as I ever have in my entire life. Tears were dripping from my face onto my boobs and belly, and I started laughing even more about how I could feel those but I couldn't feel the colostrum.

We finally calm down by about half, but are still having fits of giggles (rather than hysterical laughter). I lean back again and say 'okay might as well just go to town down there now honey.' When I laid back down, he goes 'oh look, you did pee yourself!' It was just a drop, but it was enough to send us back into hysterics.

Eventually the job did get done, and somehow my lady bits managed to escape unharmed. I must say though, it was hands down one of the funniest moments of my entire life. And I am so unbelievably lucky to be married to a man who shared my sentiments, rather than running far, far away. You gotta wonder though, how on earth does he keep his hands off me? I mean really, it just doesn't get much hotter than that.

--Disclaimer - if you know me IRL, please refrain from telling this story to anyone, ever. I am trusting you. Feel free to say anything to me about it, but not to anyone else!--

Profound realization today.

I am ready. I'm so totally ready to be a parent. J and I were sitting in Panera having lunch after a day of returns/exchanges to BuyBuy Baby and Target, and I was thinking about the fact that we are going to have a real, genuine, flesh and bones BABY next month. And I wasn't scared. It just hit me all of a sudden, like this just feels totally right.

Now I know no one is ever fully ready, and there will be moments when we lose our ever loving minds after the baby comes. And on the flip side I don't mean to sound like I'm just now sure about this getting pregnant thing. I was sure about it all ahead of time, pinky swear. But something just hit me today that this all just feels so right, like this is what we are supposed to be doing at this point in our lives. And it feels good.

I mentioned it to J, and he kind of smiled. I asked what he was thinking, and he said 'well, I don't really know. It's one of those big things in life, like getting married, and buying a house, where I feel like it should be some huge scary thing. But I didn't feel that way about either of those, and I don't think about I do about this either.'

I smiled back, and said, 'well I think if you can look back on such major life events and have that reaction, it probably means you did the right thing.'

And so we are :-)

Do you guys remember the bird?

From this post? Well. I am shocked to report that it is still alive. Why is this so shocking? That would be because it still crashes into my window roughly every 5 minutes. It's gotten to the point where I am trying to figure out what the hell is so interesting in my office! I swear, I do not work in a tree. Or the sky. Or wherever it is that birds like to be. So why is it trying to get in here?!?

I have tried to get a picture of it for the past week now. I thought by now I would have one and be able to give you proof that I have an insane bird trying to join me at my desk. But every time I grab my camera it flies away! Sometimes after a failed attempt to get through the glass it will sit on the edge of the window and stare in and I think PHOTO OP! But as soon as I point the camera in that direction it flies off. It's like this bird is wicked smart. Except clearly not since it flies into the freakin window 90,000 times a day.

These are the best I could get. If you look closely in the middle of the right side of the picture is the bird. Also notice how dirty the window is. From the bird flying into it.

Here is a closeup of part of the window smudges. From the bird flying into it.

{click pictures to see larger if need be}

Seriously, I don't get how this bird hasn't learned yet! I truly cannot fathom how it is smart enough to evade my paparazzi skills, but not smart enough to learn that the glass it just as solid as it was 5 minutes ago! Bird experts - tell me, if you can. What is behind this madness??

Turns out, my intuition was WAY off!

~~Disclaimer - PLEASE do not mention this on the Boston Nest board, facebook, or IRL. I will alert when it is safe to mention on those places. Thanks!!~~

So. The weekend rolled around, and I thought about testing on Saturday, but J said to wait a little longer. I figured 'he's right, I have had that one cycle with a 14 day luteal phase, this must be another.' I also started doubting myself, figuring I must have ovulated later than I thought. After being really bitchy all day Saturday (the same way I always PMS) I was certain AF was coming Sunday.

Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt.

Sunday morning I woke up and no AF. I figured what the hell, I'll just POAS and it will be negative and I'll wait for AF. Not sure why I figured testing was a good idea since I knew AF was coming. I think just because I had never actually done it before, and just wanted to get that first time out of the way.

So I pee, and within a minute the line started to show. Faint, but definitely there.

(15 dpo)

And I said OHMYGOODGODSHUTTHEFUCKUP!

Ran into the bedroom and jumped on J (who was just waking up, poor thing) and said, 'I think I might be pregnant!'

His answer? 'Why?'

'Ummm because I just took a test and I'm pretty sure it's positive!'

So he jumped out of bed and came to look at it with me (I had left it in the bathroom - I feared moving it would change the result hahaha).

He at first said 'ya I see a faint line, but what did it look like before?' So I opened the other test from the package and showed him how it was blank white before. That's when he said 'well ya I'd say you are pregnant.' He totally believed it immediately. I was still in complete shock. All day I kept repeating HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!? and just looking at him with this big goofy grin. His response every time was 'I knew you would be pregnant, I don't know why you are so surprised.'

It started to sink in a little later on in the day, but that didn't stop me from peeing on another stick on Monday morning!

(16dpo)

Most definitely a dark line, which appeared just as fast as the first. I was still in shock, but actually believed it much more. Called the doc yesterday morning, and was asked to come straight in today for my H1N1 shot. My first appointment/ultrasound with the OB will be on 12/1/09. I will be 7w2d.

So ya. I am pregnant. HOLY CRAP! My EDD is July 18th, 2010, and I am 4w2d today. I am so beyond excited, and I feel so incredibly lucky for this to have happened so fast for us. I am crossing everything I have now that the next 9 months go smoothly and we have a healthy little baby next summer.

Oh and to my Boston loves - I'm sorry I didn't post about this on the board yet, but I need to wait until my friend who sometimes lurks knows, so she doesn't find out there. So if you could use discrection there, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks so much, and I can't wait to see you all in a week!

I can die happy.

A week or so ago I heard that a Sweet Valley High movie will be made. I found that to be pretty awesome. I still have a fond memory getting my very first Sweet Valley Kids book in my Easter basket, who knows how many years ago. I read that whole series, Kids through University.

Just looking at that picture makes me all nostalgic. I almost want to dig them all up and read them again! My mom better have saved them all...

Now, I have heard news of a movie to be made that will officially allow me to die happy.

F*R*I*E*N*D*S

Oh. Em. Gee. I literally squee'd out loud when I read the link! I have heard vague talk of this a lot lately, but this is the first I have heard of anyone confirming it. I am crossing everything I have that it's true!!!

Two Years!

Two years ago today, I married my best friend :-D

I don't care how cliche and cheesy that sounds - it's true, and it was the best thing I ever did.

And now I shall be an attention whore with some pictures:

Sealed with a kiss!

Candid shot of a kiss after walking back down the aisle :-)

And our photo shoot after the ceremony!

First Dance :-)

Our rings with my flowers

And finally, my favorite photo ever!

Holyfuckinshit!!

I just went outside and found our beloved Japanese Maple ON THE GROUND!!!!!!

I was thisclose to screaming 'OUR LOVE FERN! YOU LET IT DIE!' but didn't. But OHMYGOD I freaked! We just re-dug the hole and planted it again. But it looked sorta like the roots never took! You betta believe I'm calling the nursery tomorrow to find out what the deal is. I will be laying down the law.

In other news, have you seen this video?

::dead::