Yes, yes it was.

Today was just all around blah. I knew it would be.

I am getting down about J's lack of job again already. Mother effer. Last time around he had a lead right off the bat, which didn't actually work out, but he still had something going the whole time. Even though it took him two and a half months to get a job he was never sitting around wondering, waiting...

I know it hasn't even been a week yet, but we are just ... waiting. And I can't handle it. I can't handle the unkown. I am a planner. I need to know what lies ahead. I need to be in control. This makes LIFE completely out of my control, and I won't even bother lying - that is making me totally freak out inside.

The only thing keeping me cool, calm, and collective is to not think about it at all - basically pretend like this isn't happening. I know that is not a good thing, but for now, it's all I got.