My husband is cute, among other things, V 2.0.

A little background, before I begin. I don't really get along too well with my grandmother (Y). On Christmas, Y proved yet again what a bitch she is. Here is what happened.

This is the dialogue, as word for word as I can remember it:

::family is standing in the kitchen after dessert, I am hugging J. A serene peaceful Christmas scene. Enter Y::

You know jCam, you might be having twins. They run in the family. You have quite a pot belly there!

Well I have already had an ultrasound, and I know there is just one in there. I'm just fat, thanks.

Well, most women don't show so much at 10 weeks, and twins do run in the family. I'm a twin you know.

I know, but like I said the ultrasound only showed one.

Well you never know, it is possible for some women to get pregnant again after the first one and have twins. I'm just saying most women don't show at 10 weeks and you have a pot belly.

[thinking, REALLY IF YOU SAY I HAVE A POT BELLY ONE MORE TIME]
In order for that to happen, I would have to have two sets of reproductive parts. At the ultrasound they also took pictures of my uterus and ovaries. It's not possible for me. Really, I am just fat. Thanks for pointing it out.

[Auntie S, whom I also cannot stand, pipes in...]
Well sometimes they miss the second twin on the ultrasound! You never know, it can happen..

Seriously, the chances of that are like 1%. It almost NEVER happens. I promise you both I am just fat, there is only one baby in here. [my tone is showing my aggravation at this point]

my dad pipes in...
They aren't calling you fat, calm down!

Excuuuse me? No, I will not! [enter my normal response to my dad getting upset with me - the waterworks]

::jCam leaves room in tears. J and mom follow after a couple minutes, and I tell them both that just because she is 92 doesn't give her the right to say whatever the fuck she wants::

Now Y realizes she has upset me and comes in the room. Ten. yeas. lata.

I'm so sorry honey, I love you more than anything, I would never hurt you!

[thinking, funny because you did]
I know.

Really, I'm so sorry! I was just saying that most women don't show at 10 weeks, and you have a pot belly, so it might be twins, you never know! I would never hurt you!

[ARE YOU FCKING KIDDING ME? WHAT KIND OF BACKHANDED APOLOGY IS THAT?!?!]
I know. You just need to watch the way you say things.

I'm so sorry honey. I love you so much and would never hurt you. All I was saying is that most women don't show at 10 weeks!

I have completely stopped caring at this point and just want her to leave me the fuck alone, so say whatever I can to get her to shut up and we leave. Luckily it was time for us to head to J's parents house anyway.

For the record, I do not think I am fat. I think I started showing early, and never had a problem with that. I have wanted to be pregnant for a while, so I was excited to be showing. But to me someone saying I have a pot belly means 'you look fat' not 'you look pregnant.'

Anyway, I was telling a friend about this, and told her I was going to have to carry around a sign saying 'No I am not having twins and if you keep badgering me about it I will bitchslap you!'

And now we get to the point of the post - my husband is cute. He had a shirt made for me.

I can never wear this shirt. I feel awful, because he can't understand why I don't feel comfortable wearing a shirt that says bitch slap on it! I told him I will wear it around the house haha. The poor thing.

And here is where we encounter the 'among other things' part. So cute. But so so so horrible at spelling and grammar. I know I'm not perfect in that department, but he makes me look like a genius. He had another shirt made up with a quote from one of our favorite shows, The Office.

Featus. Lack of proper punctuation. EYE TWITCH. I feel HORRIBLE. I didn't tell him at first, but it came up and I admitted to him that it should be spelled fetus and I can't bear to wear it or I would have an eye twitch all day knowing what my shirt said.

But back in the cute department, he also had this made.

Success!! He is cute again. I love it, and the lack of an apostrophe in mom's pales in comparison to featus, so our baby will wear it.

Also, it's been a while since I showed off my baby clothes addiction. Have no fear, I haven't stopped buying adorable onesies on clearance left and right. Correction - I took a month and a half break. But I just got these on clearance at baby Gap!

How freakin adorable, right??